It’s said that every master has a secret life of shame. I take a number of thoughts away from this. The obvious one is that when true understanding comes and some level of mastery descends on anyone who has pursued the greater heart and mind of all time, an awareness also descends on the one experiencing it …and that is a sense of their own insignificance, as I suspect that one’s triumphs and failures, scroll across the mind screen in such a way that certain truths become inescapable and one becomes humble as dirt. I think one also gets the unshakable certainty that they accomplished nothing except interference and that finally the greater drive and love of the ineffable won out over all of our own efforts otherwise. I also get the thought that the reason for this ‘secret life of shame’ is to stand in evidence of the divine’s protection from public view of so many of our weaknesses and moments where we were left wanting. The love of the ineffable covers a multitude of ills in our own behavior and I have seen this in the lives of certain yogis who were given a lot of time to repent of and to change their ways and did not do so.
I believe, I do not know …but I believe profoundly that once we attain certain benchmarks of spiritual progress that any number of our past lives are revealed to us and that can be distressing, I am sure. I believe it is revealed to us just how many catastrophes the ineffable protected us from. I believe we see our pettiness and our cowardice and our intransigence in other times; in times we had no present recollection of and certainly in times more recent. I believe some small portion of the love of the almighty sweeps over us. It seems to be immeasurable and vast but it is probably only a few drops of the eternal elixir. I believe it melts us. I believe it liquefies every hard and knotty portion of our being that was forged in us by extremity or fear. I believe we become like putty in the master’s hand and he now shapes us with our full awareness and we are simply overwhelmed.